So, last time i posted, I basically puked up my past and then fell off the face of the earth.
seriously, after sharing about the sexual abuse that haunted me for so long, i needed to decompress.
And to be honest, i almost took the posts down.
I felt so exposed and i can’t even begin to tell you how fearful i was of being judged.
but the more i thought and prayed about it, the more i realized that i needed to leave the posts up.
Because if even one person was helped by what i shared, then praise God.
i believe with all my heart that God wanted me to share my story; and that no matter how hard it was, there was freedom in putting it out there.
and not only that, but i no longer have to carry around the heaviness of such a dark secret.
it’s as if by sharing the secret that i’ve carried for so long i was given a sense of power that i never had before.
power over the lies that the enemy throws at me, and a knowledge that this secret no longer has control over me.
i wish i could say that i no longer struggle with my thoughts….thoughts of unworthiness, shame, and ugliness; but no, i still struggle.
however, i will say that the counseling I’m receiving is going a long way to help me learn how to take those thoughts captive, and to measure them up according to God’s word and what He has to say about me.
through this amazing soul care counseling, i am realizing my desperate need to be in the Word, and to allow it to saturate my heart and mind.
and the more time i spend in the Word, the hungrier I am for more.
while i still struggle with my thoughts at times, I am finding that it is becoming much easier to replace those thoughts with truth from God’s Word, and i can’t tell you how good that feels.
little by little, I’m getting glimpses of the amazing freedom that Jesus has for me, and i long for the day when i can finally say, “I am free!”
this hasn’t been an easy journey.
working through the emotions and hurts from the past has been nothing short of painful.
and yet, I wouldn’t trade what God is showing me along the way for anything.