Every year, Christmas seems to come and go, leaving me breathless and wondering how the time went by so quickly.
and no matter how hard i try to plan ahead, i still find myself scrambling a few days before Christmas, allowing anxiety to slip in just enough that it threatens to rob me of the sweet joys of Christmas.
i feel like i handled things a bit better this year—when i felt the old familiar anxieties start to flair up, I simply reminded myself to relax and do what i can, accepting the reality that the most important things will get done and the rest can be let go.
it’s actually quite crazy the things that I allow myself to get worried about; i mean, quite frankly, who really cares if we have five different types of Christmas goodies rather than eight?
All in all, we had a wonderful, relaxing Christmas, and thankfully, we were all healthy!
i messed up on both the breakfast and lunch menus, but my family was very gracious and no one went without eating.
we ended the day by going to see the movie, The Greatest Showman. I’m telling you, if you haven’t seen this movie, you have to go see it! It’s phenominal! And to be honest, when my seventeen year-old daughter told me about it, I didn’t expect to like it. But it made me smile and it made me cry, and i can’t recommend it highly enough.
Of course, the day didn’t go by without me thinking about our oldest daughter. It’s hard to think that she’s out there somewhere, and i have no idea if she’s ok. I find myself wondering if she’s safe, or if she’s even alive, for that matter. And i cant help but remember the years when she was an innocent, sweet child who made us smile just by entering the room.
i’ve come to accept that this is our reality. And i realize that there’s a possibility that we may never see her again. Or that she may die as a result of the dangerous choices that she makes.
Sometimes i think i’d give anything just to hug her and pretend that our lives didn’t turn out the way they did. But the reality is that she made her choice,and i can’t do anything about it.
and as painful as these past six years have been, I wouldn’t trade what God has done in my life, as well as in my husband and four younger kids.
He truly has made beauty out of the ashes.